Tag Archives: guilt

Hi. I am still fat

Sooooo, I have not written in a very long time. And that is because I have been eating.

Last Nov/December I had started on a re-freshed weight loss effort. My motivation was my friend’s wedding where I was going to be a bridesmaid. I deliberately sent measurements that were an inch less than the real ones to force me to lose weight. If i was fat, I woudn’t be able to fit into the dress.

I did very well by going down from 91.2kg to 87.2kg.

BUT! I ended up not being able to go for the wedding because of finances.

PLUS, December happened.

So, I have re-gained it all… well, I was 90.2 this morning 😦

The Goal

I would like to lose 10kgs by 30 April 2017 – 3.5 months from now

Part 1: I want to drop 5kgs first. This needs to happen by 15 February – About a month from now. This equates to about 1kg per week. And I believe it is possible as I have done it before.

Part 2: After the first 5kg is done, I will work towards the other 5kgs. I know it will be harder, that’s why I am giving myself more time to get rid of it.

I am hoping that by 30 April, I would have adopted healthier eating habits, smaller portions and more exercise.

The 2017 Plan

To fight the fat, I am going to eat less. My new job makes that very possible. I am too far from any shops and so, can’t just go out the door for a quick snack.

Whatever I bring from home is all I can eat.

I don’t eat breakfast anymore. I only have lunch at 12pm. Usually I will have 3 or 4 slices of bread with tomato, ham and slice of cheese. And then not eat anything until I have supper at home.

Yesterday I was bad and spent waaaay too much money on a piece of carrot cake from the coffee shop downstairs. That won’t be happening again because it is a waste of money and I ALWAYS feel bad when I eat like that.

One thing I need to learn how to do is to portion control dinner. Because my last meal was at lunch, I find myself eating way too much at supper.

Last week I did ok with regards to this “diet”, but had potato chips and other stuff. The weekend I binged quite a bit – IT WAS BAD. Wolfing down 8 KFC wings + a big packet of potato chips is not normal.

I want to start running.. even if it is for 10 minutes. That’s where the challenge is going to be.

 

 

It’s been up & down… but there is progress

In the last two weeks, I’ve gone from 87.6kg (my lowest in 12months!) back up to 88.9kg, then down again to 87.8kg this morning. I won’t lie and say I’ve been working hard, but I’ve been doing my best to eat well.

I’ve been trying to go super low-carb, but I’ve instead been having my carbs in the morning (bread with cheese or something), then low carb lunch and dinner.

I’d developed a bad habit of having a chocolate in the afternoon, but I realised the reason for that was that I wasn’t eating a proper breakfast. Eating in the morning keeps me full until after 1pm.

I then have my lunch of mixed veg and a protein. I’ve gone back to “mass cooking”… large pot of minced beef or chicken mixed with veg, and have that for lunch every day.

As long as I’m not snacking and eating carbs in the evening, I’m fine.

Let’s see how the next two weeks go. My goal is to hit 86.anything this month.

I’ve had a bad week

So, last week had been going fine, then I had to go for a 24 hour retreat thing for work.

It was basically 24hours of delicious food and  1st class wine.

Of course I mentally prepped myself for the challenges ahead.

However, when each of the 12 courses on the first night were presented, I had to try them all…right?

Fortunately, MOST of them were carb-free salad type of dishes. There was a curry dish with rice, but I only ate the lamb, and there was pulled pork in a bun, I only ate the pork.

However, when dessert was presented, I lost my mind!

The next day we had a couple of physical activities, meaning I could burn one or two of the previous night’s calories.

Lunch, I was actually quite well behaved. I didn’t have any bread, and did not have the potato salad (…I wept!). I had the green salads (and some of the “bad” veggies such as beetroot) and chicken and cheese.

I also had a little bit of dessert and some macaroons later in the day.

Naturally, because I ate so much, one would expect me to be stricter with my eating.

But on Monday I was craving chocolate (something that has not happened in FOREVER!), So I ended up having a Bounty (It had the least amount of carbs for the budget I had).

Then on Tuesday, one of my work colleagues was leaving and we had beer and potato chips.

I had about 50g of chips and one beer…. I felt terrible.

Surprisingly I’ve not gained any weight…This morning I was 89.5kg.

I’m adding exercise now, to help my body shift the weight.

I’ll start off with intense 10 minute exercises.

Here’s to another week!

 

 

The YO-YO is the devil!

So, i had been doing well… watching my food and recording it everyday etc.

Then I stopped because I believed I was too busy to write and to log my food.

The result has been devastating.

One week of bad eating has seen me put on 3kgs! i kid you not.

The most logical explanation for this is that I am yo-yoing.

By eating fewer calories one week, then eating too many the next week, I’m gaining a lot of weight.

I might lose 1kg by eating well one week, then regain 2kg the next week when eating badly.

So, last week has been a lesson for me NOT TO DROP THE BALL!!!

Exercise will become easier for me as we head into summer with the sun rising earlier in the morning (for morning runs) and setting later (for after-work runs).

I’ve planned this week’s lunches, already (low carb veggies with a piece of chicken breast.)

Dinner will be the usual rice, meat and veg.

NO SNACKS!!!!! and no mid-week wine.

I’ll need to get fruit to nibble on mid-afternoon.

It’s a pity I have no self- discipline, otherwise, I’d get a packet of little chocolates and only have one per day.

Accountability: Days 12, 13, 14!!!! Yikes!

It’s been 2 weeks! I’d set a goal for 1 week, but I’ve cruised to 2 weeks with no trouble.

This is a very exciting achievement for me, considering the number of times I felt too “lazy” to log my food and then write a blog about it, but I did it anyway!

Though my eating has not been as clean as I want, I have been far more honest about my food intake that I’ve ever been. A year ago, I’d have logged my food, but would have left out that slice of cheese cake before bed, or the 2 glasses of wine I had with dinner. Basically trying the cheat the food logging app, even though I was only cheating myself.

I have also began a new phase in my weight loss journey… EXERCISE. I have began very slowly, with a 15 minute run on Friday and a 12 minute run on Sunday. The Friday run was great, because it was generally quite a fast run. Sunday, on the other hand, was hard. I was in pain and felt generally tired. I don’t know why.

Food Diary:

Friday 21 August

Mid-morning – 2 Slices Low carb bread, 3 slices cheese

Lunch – chicken leg (thigh and drumstick) and butternut

Afternoon snack – Pop Crisps 😦

Dinner – Rice, Boerewors and veggies with 3 glasses of wine

MyFitness Pal summary

21 Aug Fri

Saturday 22 August

Lunch – KFC streetwise two left overs, bacon, garlic ciabatta roll with glass of wine

Dinner – Chicken thigh and drumstick, potato salad with carrots with 4 glasses wine

MyFitness Pal summary:

22 Aug Sat

Sunday 23 August

This day was “unusual”> I hosted a tea party with cakes and things at home, meaning I had to carefully plan my meals for the day. Though my choice in the morning was 100% perfect, it was high protein.

Morning – bacon, egg, sausage and 2 slices bread.

Late afternoon snacks – 2 cupcakes, 2 slices of cheese cake (small-ish slices), sausage rolls

MyFitness Pal summary:

23 Aug Sunday

Today is a new day, I have another week ahead of me to make better decisions. It’s very enlightening knowing just how many calories I have from foods I used to eat without even thinking.

Accountability: Day 11!

Waw… I can’t believe I’ve been this consistent!

Food Diary

Mid-morning – 1 slice low calorie bread, 1 slice of cheese

Lunch – Sweet Potato and butternut with a small chicken breast

Mid-afternoon – Chocolate

Dinner – 1/5 cup rice with minced meat mixed with veggies, spinach, 2 glasses of wine

MyFitness Pal Summary:

20 Aug Thur

The chocolate was my worst food choice of the day. They were given to us in the office, and, of course, Sharon couldn’t say NO.

My biggest shame is that I didn’t exercise yesterday. Reasons ranged from someone coming to see a couch I’m selling, to the mountain of work I need to get done.

Today I don’t have an excuse, and will do my 10 minutes.

I just read an article on MyFitness Pal website about a woman’s journey to lose weight, and she did it thorugh recording her food on the App. She said she included EVERY SINGLE DAY, good ones and bad one. This was very motivating for me, as I have been doing the same.

Accountability: Day 9

Right. Day 9 was not perfect, but I’ve had worse. It was heavier on the carbs side of things, though I didn’t have more than my recommended daily amount.

Anyway, food diary:

Mid- morning – 2 muffins and cup of coffee

Lunch – 4 slices low carb brown bread, 2 slices cheese

Dinner – rice with curried beef stir fry and glass red wine

dinner 18 aug

I didn’t snack yesterday.. which is great. There was a time when I had an “empty stomach” feeling in the afternoon about an hour after eating lunch. But obviously I wasn’t hungry. I distracted myself with work, and I managed not to go in search of a chocolate or whatever.

I did not exercise yesterday… the blatant truth is that I didn’t feel like it. However, I was active through out the evening by doing a bit of laundry, and beginning the process of getting rid of things I do not use in preparation of moving out of my flat in a couple of weeks.

MyFitness Pal Summary

18 Aug Tue

Today is a new day….

However, my sister is visiting for a week. She arrives tomorrow, and it’s going to be a challenge making good food choices. The only way I can think of curbing the effects of whatever eating shall happen is to exercise EVERYDAY. Even if it’s high intensity for 10 minutes.

I also find it very inspirational when I see Transformation Tuesday images in Instagram and the like. If those people can do it, there is ABSOLUTELY no reason why I can’t either. It’s all about learning and adjusting your mindset and refusing to have food controlling you.

Accountability: Days 5, 6 and 7

The weekend has always been one of my biggest downfalls.  I let go, because the structure of Monday to Friday is gone. From Friday night I am indulging in wine, and generally unhealthy food options. Saturday and Sunday I want a big lunch, snacks during the afternoon, then a big dinner. Oh, and loads of wine.

This weekend was a bit different. I have noticed that my afternoon snack cravings have gone down a lot. Maybe it’s because of my mindfulness, or maybe it’s because I take a long nap in the afternoon. I’m not sure yet. But I’m glad the cravings have died down quite a bit.

Anyway, food diary time:

Friday 14 August

Mid-morning breakfast – Cup of coffee with and Apricot Muffin

breakfast 14 Aug

Lunch – Mixed veg and chicken

lunch 14 aug

Afternoon Snacks – Cadbury caramel chocolate, chocolate mousse cake

Dinner – Steamed spinach and pork

dinner 14 Aug

Through out the day I had a total of 5 glasses of wine.

MyFitness Pal summary:

14 Aug Fri

As you can see I went waaay over my daily limit. But, one bounces back from such lessons. The truth is, there have been worse days of eating. I could easily have wolfed down a big packet of potato chips that night after dinner.

Saturday 15 August

Brunch – Ciabatta Sandwich with bacon and brie

Afternoon snack – Honey and mustard popcorn

Dinner – Mashed potato, beef stew, steamed spinach

Dinner 15 Aug

Then 4 glasses of wine through out the day.

I woke up feeling like shit on Saturday morning, and that’s what motivated me to do my first bit of exercising in many many weeks. I did 20 minutes of aerobics that got my heart pumping and me sweating. It also earned me extra calories on MyFitness Pal, which I always appreciate.

MyFitness Pal summary

15 Aug Sat

Sunday 16 Aug

Brunch – 3 slices Brown bread, 2 eggs, 2.5 sausages

lunch 16 aug

Dinner – roast potato, steamed veg, 2 thighs, drumstick, wing

dinner 16 aug

I ate more than I intended during dinner. The binge monster gripped me and for whatever reason, I felt I could not say no to it. I think it happened because the food was there. I cooked extra pieces of chicken to eat on Monday for lunch or dinner. But instead, I ate it all 😦

My Fitness Pal summary:

16 Aug Sun

I have decided to exercise every day this week. Starting today. Since I have started being accountable, I feel it’ll be motivating for me to see MyFitnessPal tell me I’ll weigh 3kgs less than I do in 5 weeks.

I have also started weighing myself every morning again, to help keep track of my progress and to motivate myself. I’m very aware that weight fluctuates from day to day, but stepping on the scale everyday reminds me every day to stay focused and avoid bad food.

Accountability: Day Four

Yesterday started off well, and ended quite badly. I don’t know how to feel about this. I used to develop a lot of guilt when I eat badly… but all the blogs taught me not to feel bad and to focus on getting back on the right path. I’ve become very good at this, thus having more days of eating badly than eating well. Forgiving myself for mishaps became easier and easier.

I miss feeling guilty and battering myself for bad meal choices. It helped me stay on track.

Anyway, below is my meal diary for 13 August:

Mid morning breakfast – Coffee and 1 queen cake

Lunch – Broccoli and bacon salad, pasta salad with feta, 1/2 chicken breast

lunch 13 Aug

Afternoon snack – Woolworth Pop crisps (air popped potato snack)

Dinner – 1/2 cup spaghetti, broccoli and cauliflower, chicken breast

dinner 13 aug

Wine… 3 glasses of Chenin Blanc

MyFitnessPal summary

13 Aug thur

The Pop Crisps are my biggest regret. Though I enjoyed them.

So, ya…

It’s not looking good. Especially considering that I don’t exercise. The day I regain my desire to sweat, will be the beginning of better things.

There is a dress I bought that I can’t wait to wear in summer. But there is no way I can rock the dress with my arms looking the way they are.

Right now I craving a Woolworths Blueberry Muffin – 387 calories… which really isn’t bad.

Right?

Accountability: Day Two

My food diary, I guess you could call it for 11 August 2015

Mid-morning breakfast – 2 slices brown bread, two slices cheese, 1 cup of coffee

Lunch – steamed vegetables and small piece of chicken breast

tue 11 Aug lunch

Snack – Chomp

Snack – 2 small naartjies

Dinner – Stirfry, spinach and two small pieces of chicken breast

dinner 11 Aug

post-dinner snack – rooibos tea and 2 queen cakes (my biggest fail of the day 😦 however, it should be noted that previously, I’d never have admitted to eating those queen cakes and completely ignored them in writing my food diary. But since it is accountability week, I felt I should not leave anything out)

MyFitness Pal summary:

tue 11 Aug

I did not exercise yesterday… but I’d love myself to death if I go for a run tonight after work.