Tag Archives: emotional eating

Hi. I am still fat

Sooooo, I have not written in a very long time. And that is because I have been eating.

Last Nov/December I had started on a re-freshed weight loss effort. My motivation was my friend’s wedding where I was going to be a bridesmaid. I deliberately sent measurements that were an inch less than the real ones to force me to lose weight. If i was fat, I woudn’t be able to fit into the dress.

I did very well by going down from 91.2kg to 87.2kg.

BUT! I ended up not being able to go for the wedding because of finances.

PLUS, December happened.

So, I have re-gained it all… well, I was 90.2 this morning ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The Goal

I would like to lose 10kgs by 30 April 2017 – 3.5 months from now

Part 1: I want to drop 5kgs first. This needs to happen by 15 February – About a month from now. This equates to about 1kg per week. And I believe it is possible as I have done it before.

Part 2: After the first 5kg is done, I will work towards the other 5kgs. I know it will be harder, that’s why I am giving myself more time to get rid of it.

I am hoping that by 30 April, I would have adopted healthier eating habits, smaller portions and more exercise.

The 2017 Plan

To fight the fat, I am going to eat less. My new job makes that very possible. I am too far from any shops and so, can’t just go out the door for a quick snack.

Whatever I bring from home is all I can eat.

I don’t eat breakfast anymore. I only have lunch at 12pm. Usually I will have 3 or 4 slices of bread with tomato, ham and slice of cheese. And then not eat anything until I have supper at home.

Yesterday I was bad and spent waaaay too much money on a piece of carrot cake from the coffee shop downstairs. That won’t be happening again because it is a waste of money and I ALWAYS feel bad when I eat like that.

One thing I need to learn how to do is to portion control dinner. Because my last meal was at lunch, I find myself eating way too much at supper.

Last week I did ok with regards to this “diet”, but had potato chips and other stuff. The weekend I binged quite a bit – IT WAS BAD. Wolfing down 8 KFC wings + a big packet of potato chips is not normal.

I want to start running.. even if it is for 10 minutes. That’s where the challenge is going to be.

 

 

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The YO-YO is the devil!

So, i had been doing well… watching my food and recording it everyday etc.

Then I stopped because I believed I was too busy to write and to log my food.

The result has been devastating.

One week of bad eating has seen me put on 3kgs! i kid you not.

The most logical explanation for this is that I am yo-yoing.

By eating fewer calories one week, then eating too many the next week, I’m gaining a lot of weight.

I might lose 1kg by eating well one week, then regain 2kg the next week when eating badly.

So, last week has been a lesson for me NOT TO DROP THE BALL!!!

Exercise will become easier for me as we head into summer with the sun rising earlier in the morning (for morning runs) and setting later (for after-work runs).

I’ve planned this week’s lunches, already (low carb veggies with a piece of chicken breast.)

Dinner will be the usual rice, meat and veg.

NO SNACKS!!!!! and no mid-week wine.

I’ll need to get fruit to nibble on mid-afternoon.

It’s a pity I have no self- discipline, otherwise, I’d get a packet of little chocolates and only have one per day.

Accountability: Days 12, 13, 14!!!! Yikes!

It’s been 2 weeks! I’d set a goal for 1 week, but I’ve cruised to 2 weeks with no trouble.

This is a very exciting achievement for me, considering the number of times I felt too “lazy” to log my food and then write a blog about it, but I did it anyway!

Though my eating has not been as clean as I want, I have been far more honest about my food intake that I’ve ever been. A year ago, I’d have logged my food, but would have left out that slice of cheese cake before bed, or the 2 glasses of wine I had with dinner. Basically trying the cheat the food logging app, even though I was only cheating myself.

I have also began a new phase in my weight loss journey… EXERCISE. I have began very slowly, with a 15 minute run on Friday and a 12 minute run on Sunday. The Friday run was great, because it was generally quite a fast run. Sunday, on the other hand, was hard. I was in pain and felt generally tired. I don’t know why.

Food Diary:

Friday 21 August

Mid-morning – 2 Slices Low carb bread, 3 slices cheese

Lunch – chicken leg (thigh and drumstick) and butternut

Afternoon snack – Pop Crisps ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Dinner – Rice, Boerewors and veggies with 3 glasses of wine

MyFitness Pal summary

21 Aug Fri

Saturday 22 August

Lunch – KFC streetwise two left overs, bacon, garlic ciabatta roll with glass of wine

Dinner – Chicken thigh and drumstick, potato salad with carrots with 4 glasses wine

MyFitness Pal summary:

22 Aug Sat

Sunday 23 August

This day was “unusual”> I hosted a tea party with cakes and things at home, meaning I had to carefully plan my meals for the day. Though my choice in the morning was 100% perfect, it was high protein.

Morning – bacon, egg, sausage and 2 slices bread.

Late afternoon snacks – 2 cupcakes, 2 slices of cheese cake (small-ish slices), sausage rolls

MyFitness Pal summary:

23 Aug Sunday

Today is a new day, I have another week ahead of me to make better decisions. It’s very enlightening knowing just how many calories I have from foods I used to eat without even thinking.

Accountability: Day 11!

Waw… I can’t believe I’ve been this consistent!

Food Diary

Mid-morning – 1 slice low calorie bread, 1 slice of cheese

Lunch – Sweet Potato and butternut with a small chicken breast

Mid-afternoon – Chocolate

Dinner – 1/5 cup rice with minced meat mixed with veggies, spinach, 2 glasses of wine

MyFitness Pal Summary:

20 Aug Thur

The chocolate was my worst food choice of the day. They were given to us in the office, and, of course, Sharon couldn’t say NO.

My biggest shame is that I didn’t exercise yesterday. Reasons ranged from someone coming to see a couch I’m selling, to the mountain of work I need to get done.

Today I don’t have an excuse, and will do my 10 minutes.

I just read an article on MyFitness Pal website about a woman’s journey to lose weight, and she did it thorugh recording her food on the App. She said she included EVERY SINGLE DAY, good ones and bad one. This was very motivating for me, as I have been doing the same.

Accountability: Day 9

Right. Day 9 was not perfect, but I’ve had worse. It was heavier on the carbs side of things, though I didn’t have more than my recommended daily amount.

Anyway, food diary:

Mid- morning – 2 muffins and cup of coffee

Lunch – 4 slices low carb brown bread, 2 slices cheese

Dinner – rice with curried beef stir fry and glass red wine

dinner 18 aug

I didn’t snack yesterday.. which is great. There was a time when I had an “empty stomach” feeling in the afternoon about an hour after eating lunch. But obviously I wasn’t hungry. I distracted myself with work, and I managed not to go in search of a chocolate or whatever.

I did not exercise yesterday… the blatant truth is that I didn’t feel like it. However, I was active through out the evening by doing a bit of laundry, and beginning the process of getting rid of things I do not use in preparation of moving out of my flat in a couple of weeks.

MyFitness Pal Summary

18 Aug Tue

Today is a new day….

However, my sister is visiting for a week. She arrives tomorrow, and it’s going to be a challenge making good food choices. The only way I can think of curbing the effects of whatever eating shall happen is to exercise EVERYDAY. Even if it’s high intensity for 10 minutes.

I also find it very inspirational when I see Transformation Tuesday images in Instagram and the like. If those people can do it, there is ABSOLUTELY no reason why I can’t either. It’s all about learning and adjusting your mindset and refusing to have food controlling you.

Accountability: Days 5, 6 and 7

The weekend has always been one of my biggest downfalls.ย  I let go, because the structure of Monday to Friday is gone. From Friday night I am indulging in wine, and generally unhealthy food options. Saturday and Sunday I want a big lunch, snacks during the afternoon, then a big dinner. Oh, and loads of wine.

This weekend was a bit different. I have noticed that my afternoon snack cravings have gone down a lot. Maybe it’s because of my mindfulness, or maybe it’s because I take a long nap in the afternoon. I’m not sure yet. But I’m glad the cravings have died down quite a bit.

Anyway, food diary time:

Friday 14 August

Mid-morning breakfast – Cup of coffee with and Apricot Muffin

breakfast 14 Aug

Lunch – Mixed veg and chicken

lunch 14 aug

Afternoon Snacks – Cadbury caramel chocolate, chocolate mousse cake

Dinner – Steamed spinach and pork

dinner 14 Aug

Through out the day I had a total of 5 glasses of wine.

MyFitness Pal summary:

14 Aug Fri

As you can see I went waaay over my daily limit. But, one bounces back from such lessons. The truth is, there have been worse days of eating. I could easily have wolfed down a big packet of potato chips that night after dinner.

Saturday 15 August

Brunch – Ciabatta Sandwich with bacon and brie

Afternoon snack – Honey and mustard popcorn

Dinner – Mashed potato, beef stew, steamed spinach

Dinner 15 Aug

Then 4 glasses of wine through out the day.

I woke up feeling like shit on Saturday morning, and that’s what motivated me to do my first bit of exercising in many many weeks. I did 20 minutes of aerobics that got my heart pumping and me sweating. It also earned me extra calories on MyFitness Pal, which I always appreciate.

MyFitness Pal summary

15 Aug Sat

Sunday 16 Aug

Brunch – 3 slices Brown bread, 2 eggs, 2.5 sausages

lunch 16 aug

Dinner – roast potato, steamed veg, 2 thighs, drumstick, wing

dinner 16 aug

I ate more than I intended during dinner. The binge monster gripped me and for whatever reason, I felt I could not say no to it. I think it happened because the food was there. I cooked extra pieces of chicken to eat on Monday for lunch or dinner. But instead, I ate it all ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

My Fitness Pal summary:

16 Aug Sun

I have decided to exercise every day this week. Starting today. Since I have started being accountable, I feel it’ll be motivating for me to see MyFitnessPal tell me I’ll weigh 3kgs less than I do in 5 weeks.

I have also started weighing myself every morning again, to help keep track of my progress and to motivate myself. I’m very aware that weight fluctuates from day to day, but stepping on the scale everyday reminds me every day to stay focused and avoid bad food.

I think I know why I’ve been eating so much

You know how they say binge eating is cause by emotional problems? And I’ve never considered myself a person with emotional problems…. I’m not grieving, I haven’t broken up with anyone, I’m not depressed etc.

However, I am unhappy about work. Not the actual job itself, but I’m frustrated about my salary. I don’t want to earn more money, I NEEEEEED to earn more money. I can’t afford anything (except for food… ironically) right now and it’s frustrating.

When I was content, I could wholeheartedly concentrate on my weight loss goals and changing my mindset towards food and exercise.

Right now I feel as if I have a lot on my mind and food helps me quiet down the voices and numb the feelings of anxiety I have about the future.

I was hoping to be well on my way to saving up for a trip to Europe next year… but I don’t have enough money to be putting into savings for a trip to Zim this December, let alone a trip to Europe.

I feel like I’m floating in nothing-ness and don’t know how to jump onto the next ship and sail to contentment…. I feel stuck.

Obviously, I could job hunt and look for something else, but it’s not so easy(there aren’t a lot of positions available for me at the moment).

Anyway, I stepped on the scale and saw what I was expecting…92.0kg. I’m not surprised considering the type of weekend I had.

I had FOUR pieces of KFC chicken and wine on Friday night. Saturday my beloved boyfriend decided we were gonna have pizza for lunch (I didn’t protest because I wasn’t in the mood to argue… and I didn’t have an alternative to suggest anyway).

Saturday evening I has some more ofย  the left over pizza from the afternoon… with wine… then began snacking on pop corn, potato chips (with dip) and cake… in between many sips of wine. I had friends over at my place and hence the reason I “let myself go”

Sunday I woke up feeling like shit and really felt like having a veggie type of meal. I needed to get food at the shops because I had nothing in the house. I ended up getting a meal special with macaroni cheese and a broccoli and cauliflower bake and chicken nuggets. I also got some roasted chicken.

I ate half the portion of the mac & cheese and broccoli bake and some chicken thigh + drumstick.

I slept all afternoon, then had a snack of crackers and cream cheese. I have no idea how much I ate… There wasn’t much cream cheese left…about 2 tablespoons or so.

Dinner, I fried spinach with beef and had it with the left over mac & cheese and broccoli bake. And just before bed, I had a drumstick because I’m greedy.

Anyway, today is a new day. As I said in my previous blog, I’d like to lose 3kgs by my birthday on 6 July. I have 4 weeks to achieve this. It sounds easy enough in my head… but doing it is another story.

Today I am definitely walking home, and I will go on a quick 10 -15 minute run.

I’ve not written in a while…and i’ve regained weight

By 1 March 2015, i’d managed to go down in weight to 87kg. I was a very happy girl who watched what she ate and exercised as much as her laziness would allow her.

But, something happened…I got a boyfriend. Someone who told me I was beautiful and wonderful….someone who said my “curves” are what caught his eye. Someone who wasn’t disgusted by what I look like.

And obviously with new love comes loads of dinner dates… and we are both wine lovers… so wine intake has increased.

In the 10 weeks or so I’ve been with him, I’ve put on 4kgs. Sometime last week I weighed more that I have ever weighed in my WHOLE life… a super sexy 92kgs… just 8kgs away from 100kgs. This morning I was 91.5kg ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I’ve gone on a couple of runs with him… but he can’t join me everyday because of work… He has suggested running in the morning, but i am more likely to sell my soul to the devil than wake up every morning to go for a run.

I’ve not stepped inside the gym for about 2 months now… I’ve simply not felt like it. And I have suffered because of it.

The scale is showing me that I do not have the luxury of eating what I want and not exercising.

So I need to get back on track.

I’d told myself, earlier this year, that I’d lose 10kg by my birthday on 6 July.

Obviously, unless i stop eating altogether, this isn’t going to happen.

However, I challenge myself to lose 3kgs by 6 July 2015.

I have decided to do at least 10 minutes of exercise EVERYDAY. And by exercise I mean sweating, out of breathe, heart pumping.

I have an 8 week running challenge I’ll be starting on today… It’s for Mon, Wed and Friday… on the other days I’ll do a 10 minute exercise video.

By the end of June I would have lost 3kgs.

I am going to start writing again, because this has helped me in the past. When I stopped writing, I started gaining weight. Writing helps me confront my eating and exercise habits. and writing my goals helps make me accountable.

Also, I love writing about my achievements… and reading on previous challenges that I have overcome.

Let’s do this!

I REALLY REALLY want chocolate coated peanuts

If I am to get them, that’s over 400 calories.

I would go and get them, but my eating hasn’t been good this week… In fact, it’s been bad since last week…. e.g the 2 pies incident.

Yesterday I had a triple chocolate doughnut, on Monday I had a white chocolate kit kat, last Thursday I had 2 red velvet cupcakes.

I feel as if the binge monster is emerging from the grave I thought I had buried it.

I JUST finished having lunch (2 minute noodles)… and now I want the chocolate coated peanuts.

Keep in mind, I left my bank card at home to prevent me from making the bad purchases I have been making of late. However, I have enough cash on me for the peanuts.

But I believe I know what the cause is….

In order to curb my cravings for sweet desserts, I had been having hard sweets. I’d pop one into my mouth after a meal to prevent my cravings for chocolate.

It has helped in the past, but I have become concerned about my teeth… so I am trying to wean myself off them.

The result? Back to craving chocolates and the like.

Sigh. The cycle.

ALSO, I did not go to the gym today… I went yesterday and had a swim, but I did not exercise well because I was using a new swimming cap that kept slipping off my head and it discouraged me from swimming fast or for long.

I am trying the gum thing… but so far it isn’t helping as much as I’d like it to… maybe I need to try a different brand??

Anyway, I will wait an hour and if I still want the peanuts, I will have them.

_____________________________________

Edit: I ended up getting a bar of chocolate coated coconut (270 calories). Sweet tooth was abated…

I’m upset and afraid of binging

I had a bit of an emotional knock last night when it became evident that a guy I had my eye on actually has an eye on my sister. So, as us fatties know, a great way to numb emotional pain is with comforting, non-judging, will-always-love-you food.

So far I’ve had a big blueberry muffin… about 400 calories (I planned for this… I thought I deserved a treat).

I have planned my lunch to be mixed veggies with feta cheese.

And later a snack of some pineapple.

I am hoping I will be able to ride this wave without messing up my diet. My head tells me I’ll be over this situation in a week… but my heart says all my hopes in life are over.

And naturally, the ”you’re not good enough, you’re fat and ugly, that’s why no one wants you, so you might as well eat and eat and eat, because that is all you are good for” voice is trying to be louder that it’s allowed to be.

It’s gonna be a tough day.

But as I said… my head knows I’ll be over this situation in a week. I will be holding onto this knowledge.

I will be going to the gym this afternoon… to run like a mother******!

However, I might also go shopping and spend money on some cute clothes… ๐Ÿ™‚