Monthly Archives: February 2015

I’ve been quiet… but I’ve been winning

I’ve had some success so far this year. It’s been two months of 2015, and I have seen an 87kg on my scale 3 times already…. compare this to seeing an 87kg only once since October 2014.

I’m a small steps and small goals type of person, because I get overwhelmed quite quickly and easily. So, when I was at my highest weight last year, 91kg, I worked to see it drop to 90kg, then I swung between 91 and 90 for a few months, then began swinging between 89kg and 90kg for a lot of months last year… then it became a battle between 88kg and 89kg… now this year, I started off at 89kg (after I ONLY gained 1kg during Christmas), then have managed to basically stay in the 88kg zone.

Obviously, I now want to see the scale swinging between 87kg and 88kg… This month, February, the least I have weighed was 87.4kg last weekend, but I went back into the 88 this week.

Such small but definite progress is important for me to stay focused and believe I can do it.

I wrote about swimming to lose weight through out February, and I haven’t really been consistent. I only swam once last week… and only once this week.

But I have been walking home (30 minutes) everyday from work and I believe it has been helpful.

My eating has generally been good… I obviously have had mishaps… but no binging episodes, and I allow myself to enjoy that small chocolate or biscuit.

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I REALLY REALLY want chocolate coated peanuts

If I am to get them, that’s over 400 calories.

I would go and get them, but my eating hasn’t been good this week… In fact, it’s been bad since last week…. e.g the 2 pies incident.

Yesterday I had a triple chocolate doughnut, on Monday I had a white chocolate kit kat, last Thursday I had 2 red velvet cupcakes.

I feel as if the binge monster is emerging from the grave I thought I had buried it.

I JUST finished having lunch (2 minute noodles)… and now I want the chocolate coated peanuts.

Keep in mind, I left my bank card at home to prevent me from making the bad purchases I have been making of late. However, I have enough cash on me for the peanuts.

But I believe I know what the cause is….

In order to curb my cravings for sweet desserts, I had been having hard sweets. I’d pop one into my mouth after a meal to prevent my cravings for chocolate.

It has helped in the past, but I have become concerned about my teeth… so I am trying to wean myself off them.

The result? Back to craving chocolates and the like.

Sigh. The cycle.

ALSO, I did not go to the gym today… I went yesterday and had a swim, but I did not exercise well because I was using a new swimming cap that kept slipping off my head and it discouraged me from swimming fast or for long.

I am trying the gum thing… but so far it isn’t helping as much as I’d like it to… maybe I need to try a different brand??

Anyway, I will wait an hour and if I still want the peanuts, I will have them.

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Edit: I ended up getting a bar of chocolate coated coconut (270 calories). Sweet tooth was abated…

I had 2 pies yesterday

And I am still dealing with the guilt.

How did it happen?

I meant to buy a spinach and feta pie…and I got one…but then I saw the babootie and decided I wanted that instead…. but instead of me bothering the woman by returning the spinach and feta, I ordered the babootie too and my plan was to dump the spinach and feta by the till.

Instead I found myself paying for both… and thought to myself I’ll have the babootie…and save the spinach and feta for the next day.

Instead, I placed both pies on my plate and ate them…. both of them…. 1000 worth of calories in under 30 minutes.

I’d come back from a 30 minute swim… and was hungry. Maybe that influenced the binge.

When I got home, I ate, quite possibly too much, considering what had happened at lunch.

I had one hotdog (with mushroom sauce) with a side of coleslaw salad and a pasta salad.

Why am I writing about this?

I am hoping the guilt and shame will be purged via this post. And for sure, I do feel better.

The reason why I am so upset is that I had dropped a kilo and was now in the 87s on the scale, but I now back in the 88s…on the verge of being 89kg again. This morning I was 88.8kgs.  I am sick of seeing those 88s…and would like to get into the 87s.

I will be going to the gym for a run… though I will probably only run for 20 minutes or so, I will feel better.